


Angel's Answer

by Corehealer



Series: Burden and Belonging: Sarah's Shadow - Emet-Selch/WoL Ship Shadowbringers and Ongoing FFXIV Fanfiction [9]
Category: Ascian - Fandom, Final Fantasy XIV, Shadowbringers - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Foreplay, Gen, Light Dom/sub, Masks, Memory Magic, Other, Reconciliation, Reconciliation Sex, Romantic Angst, Romantic Soulmates, Soul Bond, Soul Magic, Soul Sex, Soulmates, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:33:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27597578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corehealer/pseuds/Corehealer
Summary: A somewhat short entry in my series, focusing this time on a pure expression of Sarah and Emet-Selch's relationship. Of how they have come to see each other over the past week or so of their reunion, and their further attempts to break down barriers between them to find the full scope of their connection and love for one another and what their bond means.Sarah, still recovering from the previous night's events as detailed in Light of the Crystal and her forceful encounter with Hydaelyn's command, finds Emet awake at her bedside in the early morning hours, seeking to help her address something that has been at the back of her mind for some time, since their reunion. In their mutual desire to offer comfort for past suffering, they express to one another a fuller sense of the true nature of their relationship, as it now exists in the present era, and Sarah comes to learn of another piece of her heritage in their soul bond.Slightly self indulgent, as an attempt on my part to also grapple with written depictions of soul sex and intimacy beyond physical relations.
Relationships: Azem/Solus zos Galvus | Emet-Selch, Solus zos Galvus | Emet-Selch/Original Character(s), Solus zos Galvus | Emet-Selch/Warrior of Light
Series: Burden and Belonging: Sarah's Shadow - Emet-Selch/WoL Ship Shadowbringers and Ongoing FFXIV Fanfiction [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913674
Kudos: 4





	Angel's Answer

_Awake again. The hour is still late. How long have I been out?_

Moving her arm out to examine the chronometer on the bedside table. Very early morning, still darkness outside, stars in the sky. She’d been awoken by some dream or other, not that she could remember. She remembered so much now, but some things remained the same, her unclear recollection of dreams being one.

Peering around now the darkened bedroom in the Athenaeum, within the Astrologian Guild’s upper reaches, a room normally reserved for Lady Leveva’s use when she was present, who had offered it to Sarah after the events of only a few bells earlier. Her exhaustion still evident from the ordeal and the endless procession of emotions that had accompanied a particularly long and complex evening’s events.

Awareness now of the sound of breathing beside her. She turned slightly to behold Emet-Selch next to her in the bed.

His arm around her waist; he’d chosen to remain there, falling asleep next to her rather than return to the Azem stone as he had normally done since their reunion. Giving in to her desire for his embrace, when she had feared for all she had experienced of Hydaelyn’s earlier insertion into her mind and soul. As ever understanding. Keeping her safe.

She smiled softly, admiring him in the dim light of the window, illuminated by the moon. His chest moving up and down in rest, eyes closed. She could begin to see the faintest outline of his golden soul, a soft glow wrapped around lanky arms and a body molded in Solus’ time for war, which yet contained within it all the passion and compassion of the ancients. Attired now for sleep, light linens and naught else.

Layers of masks concealing something akin to a beautiful painting or tapestry. Full of colour and detail. Something she could see, more and more with time.

All the fullness of life, as it was meant to be. As it should ever have remained…

Even this aethereal memory, of the body she had destroyed in ignorance, was a thing she could touch and feel and appreciate, albeit gently. His soul no less a wonder for her even lacking a form of flesh. Something alike to what he had been, in the eras before, and in the time of the ancients, even if his hair was now less white, as was her own.

In her still tired state, she found only one thought come unbidden to her mind now, as she regarded this man she had spent such a comparatively small amount of time with in this life.

Why her?

This man whom she had, once, been in opposition to. Had resented, had argued with, had bitterly fought with, had killed with her own hand.

This man who, in the time before, had eventually come to regard her so highly as to preserve her memory for thousands of years. Who had married her. Wanted children with her. Who had helped to bring her into the fullness of her own dreams as Azem.

This man who had wanted to save her from all that came after. No matter the price. And not to suffer her absence forever. Alone for so long, clinging to hope.

What had she done in that time before, and in this time now, to elicit such devotion from such a man as him? How could she possibly hope to be equal to such a man as this? To match what he had done for her sake?

This thought danced in her mind as she gradually fell back asleep, this time shifting herself inward towards his chest, her head under his own, cupped inside his warmth. He seemed to instinctually move his arms to enclose her closer whilst he slept, enshrouding her in a deep and abiding darkness, where there existed only him.

What had she done to deserve him?

***

“ _I would have thought it obvious, by now_.”

Early morning. Sun streaming in through the window above them. He sat along the edge of the bed, now on her side, at her feet. She rubbed the weariness from her eyes slowly.

“Hades…? What… what do you mean?”

He smiled softly and looked over at her, eyelids down in his own exhaustion, halfway over his yellow irises.

“ _The stone, and my own bond with you besides, records it all. Each thought and feeling as clear as crystal. And your question, from some time before now, when I yet slept_.”

She managed to recall what she’d been thinking, then nodded.

“ _What have you done to deserve me, hero? I should like to know what you think_.”

She thought for a moment, eyes downcast a bit. She really had no coherent idea to offer, just a jumble of emotion, now rushing in waves towards him. He sensed her confusion, but held fast to the question.

“I… honestly… I don’t know that I have the words for it. Even after all this I still don’t know why. What… what prompted you to start seeing me, after the flower and the bird. In the Library and then… in that moment, that night…”

She laid her head back on the pillows behind her and stared at the ceiling.

“How could I ever hope to understand what you see in me, when you’ve done all you have for my sake?”

“ _It need not be so complicated as you imagine, my dear. I should think it is akin to what you see in me, in turn_.”

A hand on her thigh, gently massaging it, making the skin tingle.

“ _Tell me then; what do you think of me? Why are you so willing to risk your life and your life’s work on a shade like me? On someone who, had things been different, would have killed you without a second thought in service to the Ardor_?”

Another moment of thought. This question, for her, was comparatively easier.

“Because I see myself in you. I see… everything of myself, in you. In a way I’ve never seen in any other soul. Not in this life, and from what I’ve been able to gather, not in the one before either.”

“ _And what of yourself do you see_?”

She rose from the bed slowly, looking him in the eyes.

“A complete existence. A compassionate soul. A man capable of many things, able to wear many faces, do and carry so much, all for the things he cares about. In service to his hopes and dreams, his convictions, his people, his friends, his loved ones, no matter the cost. Even if it should cost him everything, and leave him alone in the end.”

“ _And did you not do the same? When you saved me in turn? Several times in fact, even if you were away for so long in between_.”

“But… I was away too long. I left you all alone.”

“ _And though it was for comparatively shorter a time, I did the same to you. And it isn’t a contest, in any case_.”

Silence for a moment.

“ _I see those same things in you, hero. Someone willing to do anything for their convictions, as was most evident in that moment we discussed last night. When you saved Lahabrea, Elidibus and I. When you preserved a faint hope in me in more ways than one, which otherwise would have died in sundering division_.”

He scooted along the bed closer to her, now up to her chest, closer to her face.

His hands in hers. She spoke.

“I see someone who has moved the heavens and the world itself to search for me, and traveled long roads of fate to find me. Who came to understand the limits of his reach, and the error of his path; that it would not lead him to the completion she seeks.”

They spoke in unison, forming words along their bond now, in realization. The glyphs of their offices flashing now over their faces.

**_“I see what I could be, had things been different, in you.”_ **

**_“If I had been the one to sacrifice myself for you, that day with them.”_ **

**_“Had I been the one to chide you before the flaming door.”_ **

**_“Had I been the one to live millenia in weeping, clutching close the stone I made for you.”_ **

**_“Had I been the one to give everything for these people I love, no matter how much they had lost of themselves.”_ **

**_“Had I been the one to lose myself, year over year, dreaming of you.”_ **

**_“And then to find myself again, in your smiling face.”_ **

The glyphs relented. A long silence, followed by foreheads placed together, eyes closed.

“ _The answer to your question, Sarah, is this. That, had things been different, and roles reversed, we would have done the same for one another no matter the time, the distance, the difficulty. You’d have been just as willing to commit to my path as I would have been committed to your own, knowing what we’ve known of the situation then versus now_.”

He exhaled now, slowly opening his eyes as she did in turn.

“ _That, in different times, we would have stayed together through all ages of the world, and that in different circumstances, you would have sought me out just as I sought out you. No matter how long it took. No matter the loss or the suffering_.”

Her eyes began to water.

“ _You called me a hero. Maybe… maybe in some ways, I am. If only to you, at least. No less a hero to you then you are to them_.”

A sniffle to hold back the tears, as she smiled at him weakly, his own tears beginning to form.

“I could never find a better way for the world, and for myself, without you. To truly know myself and really live as I wanted, as a full person. I just didn’t have words or a face to put to that before now. I didn’t see it now, that absence, until I found you. You gave me the tools. The needed context. You showed me who I am.”

“ _And so did you, with me, even when Zodiark still clung close to my heart. You never gave up, and neither did I_.”

She cupped his cheek in her hands, running fingers over the bone and his flush aether.

“And even with all that, it still seems too much. Too good to be true, in some ways. That you could love me now as I am.”

“ _We are both broken, in our own ways, remember? Though I am largely still the same, Unsundered, I have been undone by all that I was made to do, and chose to do over long ages. You in turn have been severed from the fullness of your soul, and made to serve in ignorance, forgetting me and yourself_.”

He ran his thumb over her hands, gently stroking her fingers.

“ _That you could love me for how I am now, what I’ve become over the ages, is no less a surprise to me as how I could care for you in this diminished state is surprising to you_.”

She fell into his chest, into his arms, and began to weep again. How could she be certain this wasn’t just a dream? How could such a person exist?

“ _A question I would ask of you in turn, my dear_.”

A larger smile, upon her face. She needn’t even ask, now. He always knew her mind and her heart.

They both came to hold each other close on the bed a while, gradually winding down from renewed tears into a long kiss, with masks long since discarded save for those that served the best to proclaim their dual souls, bound in eternity.

She hoped in her heart that, one day, others could come to know and experience this depth of love as she did with him. As those in Amaurot’s day had, in countless examples, diverse and beautiful one and all, where love had been the purest expression of the boundless compassion and creativity of their complete existence. Something that took many forms, and made their utopian world a true paradise.

Its loss a tragedy far more profound then any word could relate. And yet, even in its absence, she still held true to her belief. In this new world, and its people. The individuality and perseverance they displayed in all they did together, and their love for the world, when they were able to grasp at it more fully with their collective effort.

His hand now firmly taking both of hers, the other placed upon her chin, tilting it to his level.

“ _We’ve spoken a great deal of late about such things as this, but I am grateful that we could take a moment now to clear the air of lingering doubts as to the worth we see in one another_.”

“Oh I should imagine, even so, that we will be doing this again many more times, esteemed Emet-Selch. As we grasp ever farther along towards something alike to where we left off.”

His hand on her cheek now slowly gliding downward, to other places, eliciting squeaks of delight from her.

“ _I have many things I’ve left waiting for your return. I should like to share them with you, all in their due time, and take every precious moment to trace the lines of your form so as to imprint every ilm of you to memory. Just in case we need to do this all again_.”

He smirked.

“ _Should make it easier to bring you back to me, should you wander away from my grasp again_.”

“You couldn’t keep me away if you tried, though I imagine if Y’shtola and I have our way you might think twice about keeping every one of those memories close.”

A soft chuckle from the both of them, as he once more imagined what sinister pranks dear Hythlodaeus might have in store for him.

“But truly, to commit me completely to memory? My but that must be quite an arduous task!”

“ _I’ll need to have plenty of time to practice, and study you thoroughly hero…_ ”

Another, lingering kiss, his fingers now squarely resting between her legs, gently and softly playing with her. She shuddered slightly, ears drooping, eyes closing anew to focus on his touch.

“ _This place here especially vexes me…_ ”

“A shame you cannot yet fully take advantage of all I have to offer, yet…”

He whispered in her ear.

“ _In some sense, yes. As it was with that first time at the Toll. But now… another creative solution presents itself_.”

A snap of his fingers. Her mask of office now atop her face, the physical one, crested with blades and oval, curved lines.

Her eyes opened to see his own face shrouded under his leering mask, the one that had been the centerpiece atop his true form.

“ _Recall you the bonding between Lahabrea and Igeyorhm, when you met them in battle within the Research Facility_?”

She nodded slowly, though why had he brought this up?

“ _Recall you the words they spoke_?”

“Reminds me now, in a way, of what we did but a moment ago.”

“ _In speech, yes, and now, we may do so again in the fullest sense, consciously. Another expression of our soul bond. With perhaps… a different purpose in mind…_ ”

“Different from becoming a shadowy avatar of death and despair?”

He nodded.

“ _No desperation, no burden, no tempering, no tragedy, just us. The result will be different. And something that will help to break the last barriers between us anew, just as at the Toll_.”

She looked over to the door, which remained locked and with no sound of life beyond.

“ _Others remain asleep or departed from this place. We are safe my dear_.”

She paused for a few moments to look at him. He simply smiled and waited for her answer.

She understood now, his answer. He was real, and he wasn’t going anywhere. He had always been here, even in long absence. Even after so much death and loss. Even after everything she’d done and failed to do. Even now, he was here for her, and always open to her.

A solitary tear, peeking down her cheek from under the mask. The same question, even now, but fading into the reality of that reassuring gesture of his aether along their bond, gently stroking her soul.

“How am I worthy of you?”

“ _Speak the words and see, Azem_.”

She brushed the tear away and nodded. A breath of concentration now, as the words came from them both. Her hand out to his, and his in turn to hers, raised between them.

**“I am become you…”**

**“ _And we are become one_.”**

A swirl of energy, purple and gold, reaching out from them both with some small measure of force, shaking the room ever so slightly and the objects within it. She closed her eyes to follow the currents, and was swept away into him.

Before long, their forms had disappeared, and in their place sat floating upon the bed a large glowing orb of energy, glowing red, blue, purple and gold in mixing confluence. Churning with frenetic energy. Radiating a levin light and arching strands of power barely contained between them as they pressed inwards.

Within the orb, two became one. Forms mingled in union, lacking even in the forms that they had possessed but retaining the inflection of their desires for the flesh. Here in this place, akin in some ways to the roiling Lifestream, a release was found as pieces of their souls mixed and mingled, filling cracks and crevices and orifices and caressing each strand of hair, each nerve and trembling ilm of skin.

She was more overwhelmed by this then she had been of their encounter in her mind, released even from the barriers of the mental realm in which he had drawn her to him before. Now, she found herself completely subsumed in an abiding darkness, the colours of their souls muting as he came to dominate the interplay, his laughter echoing around her.

She smiled, even as his claws came to regard her head, and gently pet her.

She belonged to him, now.

Within that darkness, her light withdrew so that he could embrace her, and into every hole and space he filled her, drowning her anew in bliss. Comforting her as her eyes emptied out blackness, mingling anew with his all encompassing presence. Wherever she was, he was as well, to hold her down and fill her empty soul. To draw endless cries from her, and bring her to enraptured climax, again and again.

In turn, with time, the light of her joy’s release came to overwhelm him, and he found himself below her shining sun, eclipsing his veils with bright white brilliance, sprinkling a morning dew of lights across his skin to kiss his soul from every angle. She came to do as he had done, and fill the emptiness and loneliness with warmth and comfort anew.

He too came to be emptied of burdens and other things, weeping and whimpering under her blinding radiance as it seared through his skull and into his soul, bleaching away the darkness and bringing saturation to each colour as it radiated anew like a prism from his prostrate essence, itself enslaved to her touch. A touch that was so painfully slow to reach up to his chin and therein coax from him admission of his desire for more.

This interplay and trading of duality they did, akin to how they had before, but now within a fluid state. Trading their forms and their formless souls in equal measure as they desired, to express all they had. To exhaust themselves with each deep penetration and orgasm. To kiss the eyelids of the other as they eventually roused from that space and the orb dissipated back into their mundanity.

A few panting exhales, as they came up for air.

“That… never gets old Hades. But… that was… different from when we did alike to that in the Toll… somehow.”

“ _An astral union… rather than an exploration of your subconscious mind. Akin to one another but different… In our era, intimacy took on many diverse forms, involving the mind, the body and the soul. I eagerly await the day… when I can embrace you with my body, even if in some respects it pales in comparison to these other methods_.”

“And to think… they used something like this to try and kill me.”

“ _Their bond was not unlike our own, Sarah. And they embraced it to defend it, just as much as to serve His will. In this, we may one day find reason to turn that union towards that purpose in turn, should you or I be threatened_.”

“I pray no such time arises, but it is better to know it possible, to have another weapon if needed to defend you.”

**_“And I would defend you with all my heart.”_ **

Another shared speech, the masks once again flashing briefly in unison.

It reminded her, these moments, a bit of the few times Ardbert had come forth from her to speak in her body with his voice. He lingered now below the surface, but had been more present in this exchange, sharing in her joy.

“ _It is a wonder, to see all the voices you carry with you. And not just his_.”

“Esteem?”

“ _Not something I am unaware of, or lack in my own life. She and I are alike, just as you are alike to my own Hope_.”

She thought back on the moment she had dispelled the ghost of her desires, puppeting the corpse of Fray. So it seemed that Hades had his own shadows and lights. She’d seen the outline of them, just now.

“And many more besides, in us both. I suppose in some sense we are alike to voices in each other’s heads now too.”

“ _And I wouldn’t have it any other way, hero_.”

An embrace, and a kiss. Smiling and drinking in each other’s eyes.

“ _We’ll need to depart soon. Face the world again. Find out what She wants. And I recall you had more questions for me, asides from this one_.”

“I do, and we will get to them. But… this was perhaps the most important one. It is enough for now to finally have the answer.”

“ _Was it to your satisfaction my dear_?”

He teasingly flashed into her mind across the bond several of the more enjoyable things he had done to her within their union. She beamed at him.

“Yes. Very much so Hades.”

She laughed with him then, and held his face in her hands, a pure and abiding happiness like none she had ever known. One that seemed to relieve all the worries of the world from her shoulders, even if only for a moment.

“I love you so much, Hades.”

“ _I love you too, my dearest Traveler_.”

A kiss on her forehead.

“I’ll ask my other questions on the road, when we can speak among the Scions for their thoughts. Or just with you, when we can find the time. And when we arrive at the Antitower, when it is time to speak with Her. I suspect we’ll have time for what remains of my curiosity.”

“ _Take however long you need. I will be here_.”

“I know you will. And I will always be grateful for it.”

They cuddled there for a few more lingering moments before snapping fingers to return their proper attire to their bodies. After a few more minutes of settling their aether, they removed themselves to downstairs, there to greet anew Leveva and Jannequinard, her heart lighter for this experience and able to reassure them that she had recovered from last night.

Breakfast and preparations now. For a journey to the lands of Dravania, and further answers of a different sort. Now more assured that, whatever came about from her journeys from now on, or from this meeting with Hydaelyn, or anything else, she would not face it alone. This last night’s revelations, and this morning’s glory, had illuminated in her the fullness of their bond. The abiding darkness where her light could shine.

In his reflection, she found the fullness of herself. Against that completion, even with all she yet lacked, of her role and her former life, she knew no fear, not anymore, not as she had that night. There was nothing they could not overcome together, and she could see that clearly now, more clearly than ever before.

She thought, as breakfast began anew in the Crozier that day, of all of this and more as Emet turned his attention to her companions, regaling them anew of stories of the past after they had been assured of her recovered state of mind. That he had spoken true. Had things been different, it would be her soul chained to his stone, her life of millenia bent to his freedom, his return, his happiness.

That in truth, they were not so different, in the end.

“ _Sarah_?”

“Yes, Hades?”

He smiled at her from beside her on a bench, her friends huddled round to listen.

“ _I was in the middle of telling the Scions about that time we had to help clean up the Words of Deudalaphon, after that concept exploded. Remind me again whose fault that was_?” The smile returning to his familiar sneering grin.

She returned the expression, eyelids halfway down, as she recalled that amusing story.

“Oh my dear hero, I can’t quite remember…”


End file.
